5.10.2008

Recently I've been thinking about if people can really decide what they wannna be or can fight against what's in their way. What makes me wander to meditate on this is my struggle in the stream of life.

I have a challenging job which i am not sure if that's what i want and because of it I find out more about myself. I have a trouble in Thinking. Which I think a very important skill if I wanna make a good living in my life. Deeply in my mind, I am so ambitious to be a successful person. I want to be a Smart person with a clear and logic brain. But a smart brain is what I lack. Anyway, thanks to these confusions and struggles, I wonder if we human have the ability to create our own future. I want to. But part of me doubt it.

I am thinking: is there a map or graphic somewhere that marks everyone's life and that's exactly what leads us to where we are now and will be in the future. Or there's a bigger map or pic that still everyone is listed there, but what is different from the former is what laid in front of everyone are different roads and paths rather than one leading us to where we "should" be. That is, the latter one provides us an environment to create our own future instead of being destinied.
Back to my work, I've believed until recently that as long as we work hard and devote more energy and diligence to the work especially for those who are slow in leaning, we will achieve our goal one day. I started to doubt if I am suitable for this job. I try to fit in and my best to do my duty but the result isn't proportional to what I pay for. More and more, i discover that it seems only skill or technique that works. Probably though thinking can one get those techniques. And once with them, they work for you without one's paying labor effort or over-time working.
Now I really dunno what to think and what to do next. I don't want to be doomed!! I want to create my own career and future. Anyway Keep it up!! and be optimistic and enthusiastic!!

Welcome anyone who has the opinion on the map and destiny thing to respond to my article.